Sunday, May 26, 2013

Star Trek Into Darkness — live tweets

On the evening of Friday 24 May, I live tweeted from my viewing of Star Trek Into Darkness. I expected this movie to be pretty bad, and it delivered. Here were my impressions as I watched it; more coherent thoughts coming soon.

All images are property of Paramount Pictures. I assert use of these images here is fair use for the purpose of review and criticism.


Woo! LIVE TWEET of Star Trek Into Darkness starting soon! Watch the #idlive hashtag


seconds in and we've just shot something! Yay! #idlive


"As you know... the Prime Directive..." #idlive


So, why is the Enterprise underwater? #idlive


Lolz, Scotty got frightened by a fish! #idlive


Meanwhile... at bad art project... #idlive


#idlive pic.twitter.com/P3p2n0eel4


Is this more Gattaca or more Starship Troopers or more Hugo Boss Nazi? #idlive


Cold fusion... I do not think it means what you think it means #idlive


Meanwhile, in Bladerunner #idlive


Injecting children with the blood of strangers; seems legit #idlive


Didn't they do this same bar scene last time? #idlive


This is pretty slow for an action film... #idlive


And now it's Dr Strangelove! :D #idlive


We're going to run this bastard down! Really? Star Trek? #idlive


So you can beam straight to Qonos now... #idlive
So why have starships? #idlive


I did like the little model spaceships #idlive


I despise the look of the new Enterprise #idlive


The scene with Kirk and Spock in the shuttle was actually good though #idlive


I don't really understand the torpedo thing #idlive


Also, this is slow for an action movie. #idlive


And now this is Star Trek: Greys Anatomy :(( #idlive


Enterprise leaves spacedock without a single shred of the majesty that this scene used to have :( #idlive


Let's get this son of a bitch :( #idlive


Why did something just blow up? #idlive


Kronos? Really? #idlive


And we're back in Grey's Anatomy territory again #idlive


Do you think the makers of this film ever saw Return of the Jedi? #idlive


Also Uhura is so disappointingly wet :( I'll have to look up that line later :( #idlive

[I looked it up later. The line was: ‘They’re going to torture us, question us, and they’re going to kill us. Which I think worked better in Firefly as: ‘They’ll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And, if we're very, very lucky, they’ll do it in that order.’]


The Klingon's head looks like smoked salmon now. :( #idlive


Klingons are now just generic goons :( #idlive


Nothing in that fight made sense #idlive


Artichoke man is the Jar Jar of this franchise #idlive


Really? Gratuitous underwear shot? what is that even? #idlive


Bones is made out of torpedos? #idlive


Khan is a lot whiter now. #idlive


and he is eeenunseeaaating veery cair ful leeeee #idlive


WTF???? Stuffing your people inside weapons doesn't seem like genius :( #idlive


punch it? They *have* seen Return of the Jedi*!!! #idlive


The women in this are so awful :(( #idlive


Khan sits like a meerkat #idlive

[No, I’m reliably informed he resembles an otter]


"The tribble's dead" is maybe memeworthy #idlive


This is very slow for an action movie #idlive


Tron helmets #idlive


He's turned off his targeting computer #idlive


That ship is under some serious air pressure! #idlive


Old Spock says: I won't tell you anything. Except what I'm about to tell you. #idlive


Enterprise bridge = Apple Store; Dreadnaught bridge = Death Star control room #idlive


The aft nacelle? Where is that? #idlive


Now we see why that pointless atrium was there - for people to fall into! Checkov's gun I guess #idlive


It's like that barrel of monkeys game #idlive


Reactor repair 101 -- kick it a lot #idlive


Seriously? They're lifting lines word-for-word in this? #idlive


This is very slow for an action movie #idlive


Khaaaan.... FFS #idlive


Star Trek is all about foot chases. #idlive


That tribble looks a lot like a potato. #idlive


Why has nobody called Starfleet? Or even the police? #idlive


They could beam Uhura down, why couldn't they beam Khan up again??? #idlive


Why not use Khan's blood to bring everyone else back too? #idlive


Well, that's strangely suddenly over... #idlive


Well, that's about what I expected. Fucking awful. #idlive


Thanks for playing everybody! I'll sum all this up in a blog entry later! :D #idlive


If you enjoyed this post, you might enjoy this response to the 2009 film.

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